


I'm here

by hannakin



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 03:52:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16611401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannakin/pseuds/hannakin
Summary: English translation of my latest one shot in swedishEven helps Isak through the worst period of his life





	I'm here

**Author's Note:**

> Just a translation of the fic I posted a few days ago. I wanted to write something in swedish which I did. But then my beta and I joked around about her reading it in swedish. And when she asked me to translate certain bits I found it entertaining so I decided to do the whole fic :)

”What can I do for you, sweetie?”

They are at home now. Isak hasn’t said a single thing since they came back several hours ago and Even has never felt so powerless before. He strokes Isak’s back and traces his spine as the other boy lies in their bed. He lets the other hand trail through Isak’s curls. He does his best to comfort. Tries to. Because what could he possibly do to help Isak right now?

“We can do anything you want,” he tries. “What ever you need. I’m here.”

He leans forward and kisses Isak’s hair.

“I just want to sleep,” Isak mumbles eventually.

His voice is raspy but hearing it makes Even cry in relief. The tears he has kept at bay the whole day start falling but he quickly wipes them away. He takes a deep breath to collect himself. He can’t crack now.

“Okay, sweetheart. Do you want me to lie down with you?”

It takes a while before Isak speaks again but after many breaths of silence he finally replies.

“Yeah…” he says faintly.

Even lies down next to Isak and crawls beneath the covers facing Isak. Isak gives him a tired look and Even can feel something break inside him. He moves even closer and takes Isak’s hand in his and kisses Isak’s knuckles softly. He strokes Isak’s pale cheek with soft fingers. Isak closes his eyes and his long lashes becomes a dark contrast against the pale cheeks. Black against almost white.

“It’s okay,” Even whispers.

But then Isak stats sobbing and the tears well out of his closed eyes. One sob becomes many. Calm ones become more violent and Even wraps his arms around Isak’s frame and holds him close. Isak cries and cries and cries. The tears never end and Isak’s whole body shakes in Even’s arms.

“I’m here for you, Isak.”

What else can say? What else is there to say?

Eventually Isak falls asleep. From sheer exhaustion more than anything else. Even stays next to him for a little while, just holding Isak before he decides to leave the bed. He has to call Jonas. And Terje. Isak’s cheeks are still wet and stained from tears. The skin around his eyes is red and swollen. Even kisses Isak’s forehead before tucking him in with he fluffy duvet and leaving the room. He leaves the door open. If Isak wakes up he needs to hear him.

-

The first thing he does is going to the bathroom. He hasn’t used it since this morning, but he hasn’t been able to. He hasn’t even left Isak’s side since Isak got that phone call several hours ago. It’s evening now. He looks horrible under the stark bathroom light, but he doesn’t give himself much time to study himself in the mirror. Instead he leaves the bathroom and heads for the kitchen. He sits down by the table and brings out his phone.  He has a few messages from Mikael and one from one of his co-workers but neither of them are important at the moment, so he leaves them unread. He sends a quick update to Terje and the two of them agree that Even will text him again in a few hours. Then he finds Jonas’ number.

“Hi, Even!”

Jonas picks up after the first ring. He sounds tired and tense.

“Hey” Even mumbles and rubs his ways.

He realises how tired he is.

“How is he?”

With Isak.

“It’s…he…” Even starts and bites his lip harshly. “He’s asleep right now. But it’s not so good. He’s exhausted.”

“Yeah,” Jonas says.

Fresh tears form in Even’s eyes but once again he is quick to wipe them away. The phone goes silent when neither of them say anything but in the background Even can hear Jonas rumble around.

“Hey, I’ll be there. I just need to pack a bag,” Jonas says calmly. “But then I’ll get in the car and I’ll be with you.”

Even nods and sighs in relief. He’s not sure how he is supposed to do this alone. How he is supposed to be the strong one. As strong as Isak needs him to be. Because Isak is the strong one. The one who never crumbles.

“Okay,” Even says. “Thank you. Isak… It’s good for Isak to have you here as well.”

“Yeah, of course,” Jonas says. “I’ll be there in a couple of hours. See you then”

They hang up and Even returns to the bedroom. Isak is still asleep curled up under the heavy duvet. His cheeks are red and when Even puts his hand on Isak’s arm he can feel the heat radiating from Isak’s body. It’s not surprising because Isak is wearing jeans, a long-sleeved t-shirt and a hoodie. And then the heavy winter duvet. But Even’s hasn’t had the heart to ask for anything from Isak. He removes the duvet and unzips Isak’s hoodie. Isak moans in his sleep an flinches when Even tries to remove his hoodie.

“I’m just going to remove your hoodie, sweetheart,” Even says softly. “You are too warm.”

Isak doesn’t answer but lets Even help him take of the jeans and the hoodie before Even pulls the cover on top of him again.

“Try to get some more sleep, okay?”

He sits on the edge of the bed for a little while to make sure that Isak falls a sleep again. The he leaves the room again and heads for the kitchen. While he waits for Jonas to arrive he cleans up and does the dishes. There is not much else to do so when he is done he lies down next to Isak again. He is tired and would like to sleep for a little while. But he needs to be awake in case Isak needs him.

-

Jonas shows up almost two hours later. He has a bag with Indian take out in one hand and in the other he carries a bag from the grocery store. He hugs Even as soon as he steps inside.

“Hi,” he says. “How are you?”

“Hi,” Even says weakly. “I’m okay.”

It’s a lie because it is not okay. He is not okay. But Jonas is here for Isak and what is Even’s pain compared to Isak’s anyway? Isak needs his best friend. Needs them both. Jonas only nods as if he is not complete convinced.

“Is he asleep?” he asks.

Even nods and helps Jonas take the bags into the kitchen.

“I didn’t know if you had eaten anything. I figured you probably hadn’t so I bought Indian. And some things for breakfast just in case,” Jonas continues and puts his bag on the kitchen table. “I’ll unpack everything,” he adds as Even makes an attempt to help him.

“Okay,” Even says. “I’ll check on Isak.”

When he returns to the kitchen after making sure that Isak is still asleep Jonas has put everything in the fridge and put all the different containers from the restaurant on the counter. It smells nice and Even realises how hungry he truly is.

“Should we wake him up?” he asks. “He’s asleep but maybe he should eat something to? I don’t know. Or should we let him sleep?”

He can’t do this. He is not good at this? What is he supposed to do?

“We’ll let him sleep a little longer,” Jonas decides and puts a comforting hand on Even’s arm. “It will be okay, Even. We are taking care of him now. Together.”

Even sinks down on one of the chairs and buries his face in is hands. Now that Jonas is hear he finally allows himself to relax. Jonas is strong and calm. With him here Even can let go just a little. Allow himself to feel.

“Fuck,” he says. “I don’t now what to do. I don’t know how we are supposed to make it through this.”

Jonas doesn’t answer at first, but he sits down next to Even and throws an arm around Even’s shoulders.

“We’ll make it through, Even,” he says. “It will be okay!”

“How?” Even asks defeatedly. “I don’t now how to be here for Isak right now.”  

“He just needs his family, Even. He just needs us to be here with him so that he is not alone. And you are allowed to be sad too.”

The tears begin falling and Even sobs.

“It feels so unreal. So fucking unreal and so fucking unfair.”

“Yeah, it is.”

It feels like his heart is about to be ripped out of his chest. Something in him breaks when he thinks about it. About the call on Isak’s phone. About Isak’s tears and his panic. He breaks when he remembers Isak collapsing in his arms at the hospital. When he thinks about Isak’s violent sobs. On the horrible smells and the sounds of hospital. At the hours in the waiting room. Isak who altered between sitting on the hard, unforgiving chair and wandering back and forth. Isak’s tense shoulders and back underneath Even’s warm hands. On the screaming kids and the crying woman. The doctor who gave the news. Said sorry for your loss. Said Sorry we did everything we could. How Isak fell the to the floor and how Even held him in his arms.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” Jonas says.

-

They eat together in the kitchen but despite being hungry Even feel sick with every bite. When t feels like he is going to throw up he throws the rest of it away. Isak’s food remains untouched on the counter. He should wake Isak up so that he can eat something too.

“Is it okay if I take a shower?” he asks.

“Of course,” Jonas says and smiles sadly. “I’ll take care of Isak and see if he needs anything.”

Even locks himself inside the bathroom and removes his filthy clothes. He stans in the shower for a long time without moving. Isak had been so excited when they moved in and he saw the ceiling shower. Even allows himself to cry even more in the bathroom as he washes his body and hair. Ten minutes later he feels a little better. He feels lighter and the hole in his chest doesn’t feel as deep anymore. Maybe wider but not deeper.

Jonas is not in the kitchen or the living room when Even closes the bathroom door behind himself and makes his way through the hall. The door to the bedroom is open and Jonas is sitting on the floor next to the bed. It takes a few seconds before Even realise that Isak is awake. Jonas pats Isak’s arm.

“Do you think you can eat something?” he asks.

“I’m not hungry,” Isak says and sounds even more broken than before.

“Okay,” Jonas says. “Are you thirsty?”

Isak shakes his head.

“Wanna go sit in the living room?”

Isak doesn’t reply.

Even takes a few steps and sinks down on his knees next to Jonas on the floor.

“Hey, baby,” How are you feeling? Is there anything we can do for you?”

Isak remains silent but then he grabs Jonas arm and squeezes it tightly.

“Jonas...” he sobs.

“I’m sorry, Isak,” Jonas replies. “I’m so sorry but we are here for you. Me and Even. And we love you so much.”

“I…” Isak tries as the tears are streaming down his face and on to the mattress. “I can’t even breathe. It hurts so much, Jonas.”

“I know, Isak. I know.”

For a moment Even feels worthless when Isak sees him through his tears he lets go of his tight grip of Jonas’ arm and reaches for Even. Even takes his hand and clutches it in both his.

“I’m here, love,” he promises.

They stay on the hard floor until Isak is a sleep again. Even half naked with Isak’s hand in his and Jonas resting his on Isak’s shoulder. His knees hurt when Even finally stands up from the floor and moves to the dresser. He dresses himself silently and Jonas remains next to Isak until Even is done.

They sit down in the living room, but they can’t come up with anything to talk about. Usually they always have things to discuss and talk about but right now? Even can’t come up with anything to say. Jonas can’t either apparently.

They watch some film on Netflix just to have something to do. Even sends another next to Terje who promises to come by tomorrow. They had agreed on Even taking Isak home tonight and give it a few hours. Jonas texts everyone else. Explains what has happened. Even decides to reply to the message Mikel sent him. Maybe Mikael can text the rest of them

**Hi! Sorry I didn’t text you back.**

**Isak’s mom died. In a car accident**

**We’ve been at the hospital and now**

**We are at home. Jonas is here too**.

It feels even more real when he has sent the text.

-

Isak sleeps for the rest of the night in the middle of the bed. Even sleeps on his right and Jonas on his left. When Even wakes up early the morning after it is to Isak’s body pressed close to his chest. The other side of the bed is empty. Even stays for a little while and holds Isak in his arms. He wants to give Isak all the comfort and closeness he needs right now. Even if Isak is asleep.

Jonas is in the kitchen when Even enters shortly after. He has a cup of coffee in is hand and when Even walks in he looks up from his phone. Even rubs his eyes tiredly.

“Good morning,” he mumbles.

“Good morning,” Jonas says. “I made coffee for you!”

Even nods and grabs himself a cup. It feels like he has barely slept, and his eyes are sore.

“I just talked to Magnus. I told him he doesn’t need to come by today. I think it is best for Isak. Terje is coming today too so. I think he just needs some peace and quiet.”

Even nods again and sighs deeply.

“I need to call mom and dad too. They are on holiday”

“Oh,” Jonas says.

“Yeah, they are coming back tomorrow so maybe I should just wait to tell them. They can’t do anything for us anyway. Right now, I mean.”

  
“I think you should call them,” Jonas says softly. “I’m sure they would like to know.”

“You are right,” Even agrees. “I’ll call them in a few hours.”

-

Isak is not eating. NO matter what Even and Jonas, and later Terje, do Isak won’t eat. He just lies in the bed. He lets Even hold him, but his body is stiff and his shoulders stiff. Even kisses his neck and tries to massage Isak’s shoulders to soften those tense muscles. Isak doesn’t cry. Doesn’t talk. Isak is there but so far away. Broken and frail but closed off from the rest of the world.

And the days pass. One day. Two days. Three days.

Terje goes back to his place. Jonas picks Even’s parents up from the airport. They come and come at the apartment, but Jonas stays the whole time. He and Even takes turn to try to make Isak eat. It’s useless. Their friends call Even and text Isak. Asks if there is anything they can do. Even tries to keep everything together for Isak. But seeing Isak like this shatter him into pieces. It hurts to see Isak’s pain. Isak who is always so strong and never crumbles.

“He needs time,” Even’s mother says. “I know you are worried about him. We all are. But it will be oaky, Even.”

“He…I just want to be able to do something. I want to be able to comfort him and take care of him. I want to remove his pain. I wish I could take away his pain.”

“I know, honey. But you are doing everything you can and that is more than enough!”

“Even shakes his head and lets his mother hug him. He rests his head on her shoulder. It is so unfair that Isak will never be able to hug his mom again. He is only 23 and he is too young to lose a parent. To young to go through something like this.

The days go, and nothing really changes. Even had hopped that things would go better with time and after the funeral, but it is not. Isak won’t leave the bed unless he needs to use the bathroom and he still doesn’t eat despite Even begging him to several times a day. Even spends as much time as he possibly can next to Isak, thankful that his project allows him to work from home. Terje comes by every day. Even’s parents too. Jonas drives the two hours several days to help and support his best friend. Their friends do what they can, but it is hard. So, so hard to see someone you love so much be in so much pain, unable to do anything. Even is useless and he can’t do anything. His own chock has disappeared but his hasn’t allowed himself to grief yet. He can’t explore the hole inside him yet. Isak needs him and if he falls who is going to take care of Isak?

-

He stands in the kitchen when he hears a sound. Jonas has gone home again and when he turns around he sees Isak standing in front of him. He hasn’t changed his clothes since it happened. The dark circles are prominent against Isak’s hollow cheeks. His skin his pale and lifeless and the hair is greasy.

“Good morning, sweetheart,” Even says carefully.

“Hey…” Isak mumbles.

His legs are shaky as he takes a few trembly steps towards Even and his gaze his unsteady. Even understands what is about to happen before Isak does. He grabs hold of Isak’s arms before Isak’s legs give out and the both of them tumble to the floor. Even sits with Isak in his arms before Isak opens his eyes moments later. He looks at Even dizzily.

“Oh,” he says when he notices that they are sitting on the floor and that Even is looking at him with tears in his eyes.

“Baby,” Even pleads. “Baby, please you have to eat. I know you miss her, and I know how much you are hurting but I can’t watch you like this…”

“I’m sorry,” Isak whispers. “I wanted to eat. I got up because I wanted to eat and have a shower. But I got really dizzy and then everything got black and we were on the floor. Sorry. I’m sorry!”

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Even says and kisses Isak.

He helps Isak up and guides him to the chair. He gives Isak a glass of orange juice as he prepares two sandwiches and a bowl of yoghurt.

“Here you go,” he says and strokes Isak’s cheek.

“Thank you,” Isak says, voice flat but he smiles when Even sits down next to him.

-

“Can we shower?” Isak asks once he has finished eating.

Even smiles and reaches for Isak’s hand on the table. He presses his thumb against Isak’s skin.

Five minutes later they are standing in the shower together in the tiny space. The water is nice and warm and Even carefully washes Isak’s back and shoulders and lets his hands glide over Isak’s skin. Isak stands still and allows Even to wash his hair. Once they are done Even dries him and helps him into some fresh clothes. A pair of sweatpants a clean t-shirt and Even’s hoodie.

“Do you want to go to bed again? Or are you up for a short walk outside?” Even asks carefully, hoping Isak will say no to the bed.

“Can we sit on the couch?” Isak asks and looks at Even through the mirror while Even dries his hair.

“Of course,” Even smiles and kisses Isak’s cheek.

They curl up in the sofa together in their favourite corner. Isak leans his head against Even’s shoulder and draws his legs towards his chest. He curls against Even’s side and presses his nose to the crook of Even’s neck- Even holds Isak tightly. He is going to take care of Isak. He is going to be strong. They will make it through this. Together.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you have the time feel free to let me know what you though <3


End file.
